so i've been lurking for awhile...i was a slightly active member at some point in time. but i went into recovery (and am doing fairly well, aside from developing other odd quirks).
what i'm about to explain is disgusting (to me) and bizarre. but it's replaced my old form of SI now that they've put me on meds (fluvoxamine: 150 mg in the morning and 75 mg at night). it's wondrous stuff, i tell you. i can actually talk to people about what's happening these days.
And, a side note -- has anybody ever noticed that after you read a book about something, like OCD, you start to develop those symptoms?
anyway. you know how on your feet, the balls get all calloused and such? well, i had a few blisters awhile back, and due to my habit of picking at things (it took a burn on my arm over a month to heal because i constantly ripped off the scabs), the blister still hasn't healed; it's actually grown larger because i take small nail scissors and cut away at the skin. this doesn't hurt at all, because the skin is all calloused...and i end up with these huge raw spots on my feet and patches of skin littering my waste basket.
can somebody tell me i'm not completely crazy, that this isn't the sickest form of SI or whatever you wish to call it, that they've heard in their entire lives?? it's a daily habit by now!! and i'm too ashamed to tell my therapist. saying it out loud is just like..."eww, i DO that?"
so, yeah. peace love and coconuts.